What is interesting about the retro styling movement is that it’s limited to automobiles only.  Clearly there is an emotional attachment to our cars and the isolated nature of the automotive retro movement is proof of that.  The retro movement didn’t show up in any other form of consumer transportation, from motorcycles, to boats, and so on.  In fact, this retro styling movement did not show up in any other form of, well…anything.  Think about recent releases of other products in other industries.  From homes, to home appliances, to all forms of computers and electronics, to furniture, and so on, we didn’t see any real “throwback” trend.  The goods we were buying continued to get sleeker and more modern looking and feeling.

Now coming back to cars, I know some may say that perhaps the Chrysler PT Cruiser started the modern automotive retro styling movement.  I think they would be right.  After all, it was introduced in 2001.  But really, who cares about that awful throwback hearse anyway?!  That’s why this discussion is centered on the faster, flashier cars that better defined the retro styling movement.  This brings me to what is arguably the peak of this movement, and one of my favorites, the introduction of the 2005 Ford Mustang.

Courtesy of Serious Wheels

This generation Ford Mustang ushered in an era of precise retro styling working in perfect harmony with current day technology.  It is really an automotive engineering marvel.  It closely replicated the styling of the late-1960s Mustang while adding a few aerodynamic cues, better fuel economy and better reliability.  This allowed the car to have mass appeal across generations of buyers and fans.  Men and women alike fell in love with this release of the Mustang.

That same year Chrysler released the 300 and the following year the Dodge brand released the Charger.  This was good for them because it helped boost sales within these brands, but was actually a little irrelevant considering the competition wasn’t promoting a retro styling movement in the full size sedan segment.  Think about it, did you see Cadillac taillight fins make a comeback?

It took until 2008 for another automaker to answer the call of the retro styled Mustang.  Dodge answered with the release of the Challenger, followed by GM finally reintroducing a retro styled Camaro in 2010.  All of these cars followed a similar retro styling philosophy to Ford with the Mustang.  Only issue here is that the Challenger and Camaro were three and five years too late, respectively.

Fast forward to the end of 2009 and we see that the Mustang was refreshed as a 2010 model, showing some curve while attempting to preserve the essence of the retro styling.  It is retro with a Euro-Japanese twist.  Clearly Ford starting transitioning out of the retro styling movement almost as quickly as it went in.

2015 Ford Mustang conceptualized, courtesy of Edmunds’ What’s Hot

The 2015 Ford Mustang has been conceptualized, and the departure from the retro styled late-1960s throwback is becoming even more evident.  Ford designers are taking the Mustang in a different direction, sleeker while keeping a strong presence.  It looks ready to go up against anything Europe has to throw at it, but the real question is whether the average buyer will be into it.  Regardless, if the Mustang defined the peak of the retro styling movement, then here in this case it is also marking the end.

This entry was first posted here on April 12, 2013.

Tuning it up and making it (more) civilized

As I mentioned previously, a general tune-up was definitely on the menu and, with tax return season in full swing, I found myself with the ability to buy it all in one convenient chunk. I am pleased to say that the 850 now sports new ignition cap, rotor, spark plug wires and spark plugs. It also has a shiny new fuel filter underneath. Though there were some adventures installing that last bit, everything is now back in one piece and running as intended.

At least, it should be. For some reason, however, I seem to have actually lost fuel mileage. Since this thing was never a fuel-sipper to begin with that concerns me. Hopefully it will be resolved by the next update.

In any case, I also decided that I would take a trip to my local scrap yard and pick the carcass of another, less-fortunate ’97 850 sedan so that I might resolve some of my car’s more irritating quirks. I didn’t score any rare finds, but I did come away with some goodies. Long story short: the passenger side visor no longer reminds the person next to me of its presence by tapping them on the head, the power antenna now goes both up and down (all the way!) and I was even able to get the fuel line bypass valve that was the source of the fuel filter “adventure” I mentioned earlier. Best of all, though, I came away with an OEM Volvo 15″ wheel that I can use as a full-size spare. This last item will make sense shortly.

The door checks are still crap, the front struts are still noisy and the passenger rear window appears to be off its track, but at least some stuff got fixed, right?

Finally, I had the car aligned. At first I tried doing it myself, but the alignment machine at my job doesn’t even work right on the Hondas it’s used for half the time. My 16-year-old Swede befuddled it to no end and, after several failed attempts to make the steering wheel level, I gave up and took it to someone with a bit more experience and better equipment.

Completing the look

Before the Lamin-X film.

Although the HID lights and IPD grille look great, the car still didn’t seem complete to me when I looked at it. It took me a while, but I finally put my finger on the last piece of the puzzle: the fog lamps. One of the other guys at work had just picked up a Mitsubishi and put yellow Lamin-X film over his fog light lenses. As soon as I saw it, I knew what I was missing. Fortunately, he was in a sharing mood and, since the lamps are tiny on the Volvo, he didn’t even have to share much.

The difference is subtle, but, to me at least, dramatic. It finally looks exactly like I think it should.

With the Lamin-X applied

On to the challenge

Oh, bloody hell; despite my best intentions, I still managed to spend nearly 600 words talking about fixing broken stuff and making upgrades. I promise the rest of the article will be about something more interesting.

As you may recall, when I got back in to this car, I decided to give it (and me) a goal. The challenge I have in mind is, like many of my automotive endeavors, Top Gear-inspired.

Back in season 16 Jeremy raced a Jaguar XJ from the easternmost point in England to the westernmost point, on the shortest night of the year, against God himself. In the end, Clarkson beat the sun, but it was close. I found it to be one of their best mini races, both in concept and execution. I decided I would have to do something similar.

Since I live in New Jersey, though, it will have to be different in several ways. First, even at its widest points, I can easily cross the state in a couple of hours and, second, with an extensive and efficient highway system, covering all 170 miles north to south would be embarrassingly easy as well. I believe I have a solution to both problems.

Like Clarkson’s, my challenge will take place on the shortest night of the year (June 21). My goal will be to start, at sunset, from the northernmost point in the state and, over the course of the night travel first to the easternmost point, then the westernmost point before ending at the southernmost point before the sun rises again. The catch? I won’t be able to use any interstate or toll roads (now you can probably see why I wanted a full-size spare).

I have lined up a navigator and taken the time off from work. The Volvo is (in theory, anyway) tuned and ready. The plans are being laid out as we speak. This should be interesting.

1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee 5.9 Limited

Why?

This 5.9 Limited edition marks the beginning of the mainstream bad ass SUV! It hauls groceries, boats and handles the road better than an average sedan from the time period. Sure, some of you may say, “What about the 1992 GMC Typhoon?” Let’s be honest…there was everything bad ass but nothing mainstream about it. Nobody was towing with the Typhoon. The 5.9 Limited on the other hand fit in well as a daily driver, a true utility vehicle and a sporty car. The engine, drivetrain and suspension were sport tuned, and at the same time the Jeep provided for a balanced ride. I can’t say the same for the Typhoon.

About the Car

Of course the 1998 Jeep Grand Cherokee 5.9 Limited is equipped with a 5.9 liter V8. Here’s where it gets impressive. The engine generates 245 hp and 345 lb-ft of torque(!), which vaults the Jeep from 0-60 mph in 6.8 sec. Less impressive is the fuel economy of course, but remember that this car was released at a time when I was putting 94 octane in the tank simply because I could.

Other Resources

Wikipedia article on the 5.9 Limited (to be taken with a grain of salt, of course)

Chuck can be followed on Twitter @ChuckWhatTheF where he tweets about cars and other things “dudebros” are talking about.

Some photos in this article are freely sourced from Google. If you take issue with the usage of any image, please contact us and we will remove it.

Chrysler PT Cruiser – Seriously, what the heck were the designers thinking with this one?! This car was just awfully designed. Chrysler must have felt they were about to miss the retro wave and needed to quickly release this hearse-looking vehicle before it was too late.  And if the regular version wasn’t bad enough, they had the audacity to introduce a CONVERTIBLE??? It’s too bad because we see now that they are great at doing retro (think current Dodge Charger and Challenger). For you Twitter users, this is a #Fail.

Hummer H2 – There’s only one Hummer we care about, and it never needed the designation “H1″. We all know what it is when it rumbles down the road or takes up two parking spaces. The H2 on the other hand is just a Tonka truck gone wrong. And if the H2 wasn’t bad enough, the H2T is an embarrassment to a model that is already pretty embarrassing in retrospect.

Land Rover Freelander – This Land Rover is a disgrace to what the brand stands for. Look up Land Rover in a dictionary from the 90s and it would say “maker of  the most capable off-road vehicles on the planet.” Look it up in 2002 and it would say SELL OUT. Way to diminish the value of the brand guys. Actually, perhaps I should be putting Ford on the hot seat for this one…

Pontiac Aztek – Simply put, I think this car might have closed the doors on an iconic brand. “Designed” to be a car of the future, it made Pontiac a thing of the past.

Scion xB – Why did Scion/Toyota think that Generation Y wanted cars less aerodynamic in appearance than a Volvo from the 80s? The xB is a refrigerator box on wheels, and not the answer to what Gen Y was looking for. It’s really interesting that Scion missed the mark so badly because the tC model was a fantastic example of what that shopper was and still is looking for.

So that’s my list. What do you think? Don’t worry, I know there are more than five models that we could have done without in the new millenium. With that being said, if you were restricted to five choices, would you replace any of mine? Feel free to let us know in the comments section, and you can always tweet at us to tell me what you think using the Twitter handles @ChuckWhatTheF or @gearheadsanon.

Chuck can be followed on Twitter @ChuckWhatTheF where he tweets about cars and other things “dudebros” are talking about.

Some photos in this article are freely sourced from Google. If you take issue with the usage of any image, please contact us and we will remove it.

The Brakes

Even though it passed its first road test, I still had some concerns. Most notable was the annoying shrieking sound the brakes made for the first ten minutes of every drive. Although both the front and rear pads still had plenty of meat, all four rotors were gouged and the pedal vibrated whenever I pressed it. Any of them could easily have been the cause of the noise, but I my discerning ear said the fronts were the primary culprit. I decided to go with the best inexpensive pads and rotors I could find. With those procured, I pulled the car in to my service bay and, almost immediately, things started to go badly. When compressing the driver’s side caliper, I noticed fluid coming from the piston seal.

I should note here that I have done dozens of brake jobs over the last couple of years and never had a single problem with a piston seal. When my personal car is in my bay, though? Naturally, that would be the first. Since calipers for a 15-year-old Volvo aren’t exactly falling off the shelves at 6:00 on a Friday evening, the 850 sat for the entire weekend. Come Monday, though, it was back on the road and, to my agreement, quiet.

For the first day, anyway.

After that it became clear that my well-trained ear is full of crap, and the shrieking was emanating from the rear.

Long story short, to the detriment of my wallet, the 850 now sports new pads (complete with “special” shims) and rotors at all four corners and a new caliper in the left front.

The Stereo

Since this particular 850 came equipped with a premium sound system, I assumed that meant I had one less thing to worry about.

And again, I was proven wrong.

Alpine head unit with Sirius radio unit fully integrated

About a week after I resolved the brake problems, the radio cut out on me, playing nothing but static through the high-fi speakers. Though static was a remarkable improvement over the lousy sports radio stations I normally listen to, I found the lack of variety to be irritating.

I took this as an opportunity to plan a way to integrate my Sirius radio unit in to the car as well, which was something I had been casually trying to figure out for a while anyway. I waited for an appropriate sale at Best Buy, purchased the requisite harness adapters and cargo pocket and, after a little cutting, fitting and fiddling, I had a solution I am pretty pleased with.

With the audio system back in business, the car was humming along nicely again. That is, until…

The PCV System

One day, while fiddling with something or other under the hood, I noticed wisps of vapor coming up from low in the engine bay. Alarmed, I attempted to locate them. When I was unable to do so, a thought occurred to me. I pulled the oil dipstick and, sure enough, there was positive pressure coming up through the dipstick tube. I was hoping to avoid this eventuality, but the PCV box would have to be replaced.

Much like the gauge cluster in the last installment, this is another job not to be tackled by the feint of heart. Most manufacturers use a simple valve clamped to a hose to handle evacuation of the positive crank pressure. Not Volvo. No, they engineered a complicated system centered around a breather box, which is attached to the front of the engine block. To reach it, the entire airbox assembly must come out and the intake manifold must be unbolted and moved out of the way. It is time-consuming and, without a good set of tools and a little experience, very difficult.

Though it was a pain to set aside a large block of time (it took me 3 hours, but I could probably do it in 2 now) and actually do the work, I actually found the whole procedure very rewarding. The car came apart without issue and went back together just as smoothly. I was equally pleased to find that it runs a little smoother now, too. The parts, again, came from IPD, who provide a comprehensive kit that includes every hose, gasket and clamp one could possibly need to complete the job.

Fun Stuff

By now you must be thinking, “I thought you said you liked this car. All you’ve written about is the list of crap that’s gone wrong.”

Well, the truth is, I actually like finding and fixing all of these little issues. They are a big component of the car’s character and part of what makes having a cheap car like this fun and rewarding for a guy like me. I expected to be giving the 850 some TLC over the first few months and I have gotten a lot out of it.

Overall, though, you would be right. I don’t want to spend all my time fixing diddly-shit when this is supposed to be a car that allows me to spend time and money on my actual project car. At some point I need to see some return on the stuff that I am doing, right? Here are two areas where a return was immediately, literally, visible.

The 850 at night
Click to enlarge

First, I happened upon a set of HID lights at work. They were the correct bulb size (9006, a common size, shared with many cars, including the Civic), so I threw them in. I think they give the car a little more aggressive look and they definitely improve the light output. When they (inevitably) cease to function properly, will I spend money to replace them? I’m not sure, but I will have to consider it.

Finally, around Christmas time, my fiancé was looking for gift ideas. I casually suggested that a bad-ass grille might suit the Volvo quite nicely. She took the not-so-subtle hint and, to make a long story short, the car does, in fact, look pretty slick with a blacked out grille.

Coming Up

So now that the 850 is running better and looking meaner, what is the next step?

Well, there are still a few minor items on my list to take care of. I would like to give it a proper tune-up and the noise from the front struts is really starting to irk me.

Primarily, though, from here on out I will be prepping it for its major challenge. But more on that next time.

To begin said chapter, I picked up a 2013 Scion tC 6-speed. It has been a quick 3 months and 9,ooo miles with the 4-cylinder hatchback — I know I have put on some serious miles in a short stretch of time. In addition to trips to Atlantic City and Washington DC, we can thank Hurricane Sandy for some of those extra miles — I was making 100 mile round trips to Pennsylvania just to get gas for a good two weeks after that damn storm. I feel I am ready, then, to share some of my impressions with you.

Engine/Suspension

As I mentioned, the tC comes standard with a 180-hp 4-cylinder that makes 171 lb-ft of torque. Engine performance is pretty good considering these numbers, and is better than other cars in this class. It handles very well, thanks to a tight standard suspension that includes impressive anti-roll bars and a stiff strut assembly. That, when coupled with 18-inch wheels (standard) and tires that are well-matched to the suspension, provides for a car that swerves and turns with the best of them in the class.

Styling

For me, the styling is very appealing. I am a coupe guy at heart, so when taking the plunge with a hatchback, I needed a hatchback/coupe as opposed to a wagon-like body. The tC has an aggressive stance and maintains a shorter-looking wheelbase — all of the right parts for a “coupe” in 2013 (you can see more about my opinion on coupes here).

Price/value

Talk about value! Scion does pure, straight-forward pricing, so there’s no haggling. For about $19,500 (about $20,500 for the automatic transmission) you get a tremendous array of options and safety features, including a 300-watt, 8-speaker audio system, Bluetooth(TM) streaming and calling, panoramic power sunroof, traction control, vehicle stability control (VSC), and the list goes on.

Conclusion

It’s not a sports car, but it’s definitely a sports “coupe”. It’s not the best at any one thing, but put together it is a tremendous value and fun to drive.

Additional Resources

Scion’s tC product page

Edmunds Scion tC page

Chuck can be followed on Twitter @ChuckWhatTheF where he tweets about cars and other things “dudebros” are talking about.

What actually happened was that I got my finger caught in a rather unpleasant situation involving a timing gear that resulted in several fractures. I have since recovered, but found it difficult to find the motivation to get back to writing. The reasons varied, of course: I couldn’t think of a good topic, I was too tired after work, things needed doing around the house, etc. The result, however, was inevitable. Without care and attention the site stalled and even my contributors lost interest. It has been just about three months since the front page of this site has seen any new material and more than three and a half since I did an update on this project.

Through all that, though, the Volvo has been a friendly, reliable and patient presence in my driveway, every day starting up on the first try, as if to say, “I’ll still be here whenever you get around to telling the world all the fun we’ve been having.” I finally came to the conclusion that I owe it to the car, if not myself, to give this thing another go. For motivation I decided I would need a goal for us.

I have what I think is a pretty cool idea for a challenge involving me and the 850. I don’t want to say too much yet, but suffice it to say that my inspiration came the other night while watching an episode of Top Gear, so it could either be totally epic or a catastrophic faux-pas. Either way it should be amusing.

That said, let’s take a look at what the Volvo and I have been up to over the last three plus moons. For the sake of readability I will break that period up in to two pieces.

As you may recall, when I purchased this car I did so with the knowledge that it needed a little bit of work. None of it was major, though, and with the wedding of a long-time friend coming up, I set that weekend as my deadline to make the car roadworthy. I would treat the trip to West Park, NY as the car’s inaugural road trip and its first shakedown.

First, I replaced the faulty ignition switch. With that simple $50 part, 50% of the car’s driveability issues were fixed — the headlights operated normally, the transmission came out of park, and all the error lights on the dash were summarily dismissed. If only I could solve all problems that easily.

Next, I took care of the bad driveshaft and the heavily worn rear tire. I will keep an eye on its replacement, though, since choppy wear may indicate an alignment issue.

The IPD mount installed. Not only functional, but a cool shade of blue.

The upper engine mount is a common point of failure on these cars, and this particular example was nearly nonexistent. Though a factory replacement is dirt cheap (under $20), this is one of the few areas where an upgrade is actually a better idea in the long run. Polyurethane provides strength and longevity that rubber simply cannot. Though the tradeoff is a slight increase in vibration, I knew I made the right choice the moment my foot touched the gas pedal. The delay in acceleration, the sloppy gear changes and the odd noises every time the engine was under changing loads were all gone. Though at $40 the upgraded mount from IPD was more than twice the price of an OE part, it was money very well spent.

Finally we came to the elephant in the dashboard: the broken odometer. This is another common failure on these cars. Apparently the little plastic gear that turns the actual dial in the gauge cluster is made of ear wax and cardboard or some such, because they break with surprising ease. Volvo, to their credit has done… well, very little actually, to solve the problem. At one point they put out a repair kit but it was disproportionately expensive and, much to the annoyance of its dealerships, always on backorder. Eventually, Volvo’s strategy became “well, now all the 850s are old, so we aren’t going to bother anymore,” which forced customers to look elsewhere.

The broken tooth is clearly visible on the right. The new gear already installed on the left. Click to enlarge

Fortunately, the good folks at IPD stepped up again. For a mere $30 they supply you with a replacement gear, replacement bulbs for the entire gauge cluster and a DVD with a helpful walkthrough of the whole process. This is not a project for the feint of heart and even guys like me don’t mind getting advice from someone who has done it before. I am not ashamed to admit that the video instruction was a blessing.

Though the windshield now sported some rather odd smudge marks from where my sweaty head rubbed it, I had a perfectly lit dash and a normally functioning odometer. You would be surprised just how much you miss those things.

Since I still don’t know the actual mileage, as an added bonus, when people ask I still get to respond with, “well, the prevailing opinion is somewhere around…” It’s all a part of the fun of owning a car with this kind of character.

Ah yes, the character. I still stand by my earlier statement. This car has a character that I have only grown to love more. Maybe I’ll try to explain it in a later piece. Maybe trying to put it in to words would ruin the feeling.

Whatever the case, though, the car passed its first test with aplomb. My fiancé and I made to and from West Park with no major issues. The 850 was now officially part of the family.

2002 Mini Cooper

Why?

Retro Euro styling + BMW backing = Huge Success!! OK, enough with my math geek-ery, let’s talk about the car already. When the Mini Cooper was introduced, it was the hottest car going. And why not? It was retro sexy AND you could get it for under $17,000. Even 10 years later it still starts at under $20,000. Back then it turned so many heads that chiropractor billing was notably up in 2002! (OK, not really) If the price tag wasn’t enough, the base model got gas mileage in the upper 30′s. That may have not been as big a deal in 2002, but I’ll tell you I’m thinking about it these days with gas back at $4.00/gal. A pre-owned Mini Cooper is looking like a fun stylish daily driver for 2012.

About the Car

The 2002 Mini Cooper was available in one body style, the now iconic hatchback. Two engine configurations were available, a naturally aspirated 4-cylinder and a supercharged version that added approximately 50 hp. Three transmission configuration options were available, a 5-speed manual or a CVT automatic on the base model or a 6-speed manual on the supercharged model.

Whether you were looking for awesome fresh retro styling, utility or just some fun out-of-the-box, the Mini Cooper was, and continues to be an attractive (and affordable) option. I’m thinking about adding one to my “collection”. What about you?

Other Resources

Wikipedia: the original Mini (to be taken with a grain of salt, of course)
Wikipedia: Mini under BMW (to be taken with a grain of salt, of course)
Motoring Alliance: the friendly Mini Community 
Road & Track road test of the 2002 Mini Cooper
Motor Trend road test of the 2002 Mini Cooper

Chuck can be followed on Twitter @ChuckWhatTheF where he tweets about cars and other things “dudebros” are talking about.

Some photos in this article are freely sourced from Google. If you take issue with the usage of any image, please contact us and we will remove it.

As is so often the case, my inspiration for this week comes from a car I encountered on the trade-in lot. Most of them are boring, but every once in a while something genuinely interesting (and even rare) shows up. This week’s Car of the Week showed up last month and its mere presence prompted me to want to read more about it.

1981 Porsche 928

Why?

 As I said above, the appearance of a white 1981 928 on the trade-in line at my family of dealerships created a little itch in the back of my mind. The 928, though it was intended to replace the 911 as Porsche’s flagship, never quite lived up to sales expectations. The formula was a winner on paper — front-mounted V8, rear-wheel-drive, near-perfect balance — but Porsche buyers, it seems, just weren’t ready to accept anything but the 911, in looks or design.

Just because it wasn’t a “real” Porsche doesn’t mean they didn’t sell any, though, and the owner of this example clearly knew how to treat a rare, fast car. Despite its 31 years, the odometer showed only 60,000 miles. The interior and exterior looked like you might expect — well-loved but well-cared-for. It was, in short, a cream puff and it was totally unsurprising when someone showed up with a trailer and happily towed it off the lot. After a brief several weeks of exposure to the elements it has undoubtedly resumed its role as garage queen extraordinaire.

I have to admit, I was VERY tempted to see how much it would cost me.

About the Car

Porsche introduced the 928 in 1978 and it ran in various trim designations and with several engines all the way through 1995. It was one of only a handful of Porsches ever produced with an engine in the front. Although it never replaced the 911, it did set a number of impressive performance benchmarks. Porsche, for instance, claimed that the 928 was the fastest production car available in the U.S. in 1984. With a claimed top speed of 146 mph, that was hard to argue.

By the ’90s, though, even though the styling was still unique and edgy (says me, anyway), the 928 was getting long in the tooth. Rather than redesign it, Porsche decided to cease production. The 928, then, went from the 911′s successor to another single-generation Porsche to garnish and augment the long and glorious run of the one “true” Porsche.

Long live the king.

Other Resources

Porsche 928 Owners Club
Resources for New 928 Owners A one-stop shop for 928 communities
Wikipedia: Porsche 928 (to be taken with a grain of salt, of course)

Some photos in this article were freely sourced from Google. If you take issue with usage of any image, please contact me and I will remove it.

Full disclosure: this will not be a “car guy” post like you have seen before on this site, primarily for the following reasons:

#1: I’m not going to talk about things like tire size, horsepower, torque, steering, chassis, engines, or specs. Those posts are great, but I’ll leave those to the real experts.

#2: I’m not a guy.

I do, however, have a keen appreciation for and odd sentimental attachment to cars.

First, there’s something you have to understand about me. For my entire life, I’ve been developing these profoundly sentimental attachments. I blame this on all the hours I spent with my dad listening to music as a child. I’ve been heavily influenced by Cetera-era Chicago, Gilbert O’Sullivan, and countless other “mellow” soft rock artists. This was reinforced by my elementary school music teacher who made us sing the greatest hits from Chicago, The Carpenters, and, later, Ace of Base.

The music inspired not only a fierce sense of sentimentality, but a flair for the dramatic, as well. When I was seven my mom told me she was throwing my favorite stuffed animals (and best friends!) away because I didn’t clean my room. I “borrowed” her camera and spent a whole afternoon sobbing while carefully posing and photographing my stuffed animals so I could remember them forever.

She never threw them away. I still have them. It’s not weird. But I digress.

In 1986 my parents purchased a brand-spanking-new, red, shiny, luxurious, enviable… Chevy Astro. It was not even to be the boxiest of vehicles we would own. The van was great. So much cooler than my dad’s old Cutlass Ciera (don’t get jealous) or the Pontiac LeMans that would later replace it.

I loved that van, not for the piece of machinery that it was or any features it had (the only feature I was aware of, by the way, was one that I later learned was not even native to the vehicle: America’s History album on cassette, playing over and over and over again). I loved that car because of what it represented to me: childhood. It was family vacations to Ocean City, days spent at my grandma’s swimming pool with my cousins, and even bringing my newborn brother home from the hospital.

So in 1995 when my dad announced that we were trading in ye olde Astro for a brand-spanking-new model, a white, shiny, luxurious, enviable Ford Windstar (what-what?) … I threw a fit. I was twelve, and therefore probably just a tiny bit on the incredibly freakin’ dramatic side, but seriously. He was trying to destroy all of my happy childhood memories and I would never accept that Windstar as a new era for me.

For the first half of my teenage years, my bedroom walls were 100% covered, floor-to-ceiling, with pictures of Jonathan Taylor Thomas that had been carefully removed from Tiger Beat, Teen Beat, and Bop! magazines. The outside of my bedroom door, on the other hand, was adorned with a picture of a Ford Windstar that I had cut out of one of the dealership books we’d received. I used construction paper to cut out a big circle to enclose this image, and then placed a slash through it.

My friends thought I was super weird. I was just making a statement that all ‘tween girls make, though.

I am completely anti-Ford Windstar.

I never did accept that car. Not even years later when I sometimes practiced driving in it. I hated it with every fiber of my being and liked to frequently tell my dad how it was such a piece of crap. After it broke down on the way to Florida and the closest Ford garage refused to service it, he finally started listening to reason and agreeing with me. Clearly I was so knowledgeable.

Gosh. It was like he hadn’t even grown up as the car guy son of another car guy.

(For the record, my paternal grandfather died before I was born, but he was a successful used car salesman. He and my dad and my uncles used to go to car auctions and drive around in basically whatever car they wanted. So cars have been a thing for me pretty much since I was three and my dad invented a game for us called “guess the make and model of the next car that drives by our house.”)

Anyway, there’s no point in walking you through every vehicle my family has owned and my weirdo attitudes about them. Suffice it to say that we found our groove with Honda years ago, returning to that manufacturer after the 1992 Accord we had leased for a while was deemed to be one of the best cars we ever gave back.

Me with the 2000 Accord, heading to my Jr. Prom to dazzle people (and weird them out) with information about the Accord’s disc brakes.

I learned to drive in my dad’s 1996 Honda Civic. I named her Cyndi, and I loved the hell out of that car (even when her manifold was cracked and she sounded like a bar fly.) His next move was a blue 2000 Accord (which, given my fondness for the Grinch, I named Cyndi Blue-Who). I accompanied him on a warm May afternoon to pick it up at the dealership. He let me drive it off the lot and back to our house, and I drove my date and myself to my junior prom in it later that evening. While all of the other girls were talking about how many bobby-pins and gallons of hairspray they’d used or where their flowers had come from, I was the weirdo trying to tell people about the Accord’s disc brakes.

Like a race car, guys!

So anyway, fast forward to October 2005. I was driving around in a used 1991 Accord that, prior to my college graduation, my sister and I had shared (at least until my dad bought his box o’fun – a “sunset orange pearl” Element, and undoubtedly the boxiest vehicle we ever owned). Its name was Winslow and it smelled like old man pee (according to one friend, and the sentiment just sort of stuck).

I was just about two months into my first real-world job teaching ninth graders how to speak English “real good and stuff” and my crippling student loans hadn’t kicked in just yet. Plus, paying suburban rent every month actually made my checkbook cry. My dad and I had discussed how I wanted a new car and that hopefully I’d be able to afford one soon after I saw what my loans were going to be like. I’d even told him that I kind of liked the look of the upcoming 2006 Civic.

“That light blue color is really sharp,” I’d said, proving my coolness.

So I was sitting outside my friend’s apartment complex one Saturday afternoon that October, talking to Dave Coulier on the phone. (Yes, that Dave Coulier. Cut-it-out!) I’d be happy to tell you how it came to be that I was talking to this man of Full-House-and-Alanis-Morrissette fame on the phone, but leave a comment if you want to know. I should really try to stay on topic.

Dave and I were discussing how I taught ninth grade English and my students called me The Hatchet. He informed me, ever so wisely, that Mary Kate and Ashley had been in ninth grade once. In the midst of this stimulating conversation, my cell phone beeped to inform me that my dad was on the other line.

“Well, Dave, this has been fun, but my dad’s calling me.” Happy trails, Dave. He was a really nice guy.

I answered the phone and my dad just launched right into it.

“Hi, Renee. Hey, I just wanted to let you know – I hope you can afford to make car payments because I just ordered your car for you. It’s an ’06 Civic, that light blue color. It’s going to be manufactured in early December and you’ll have it by Christmas.”

Le sigh. I was excited about my new car for sure. But I have this little problem with anxiety attacks (see: above story about stuffed animals) and so I freaked out for a while about making payments.

It was December 22, 2005 when I parked Winslow in the lot at the Honda dealership by my parents’ house. I thanked him for his years of service and told him to take it easy.

A number of formalities later, Ken, my dad’s Honda salesman of choice, walked me out onto the showroom floor and introduced me to my new car, Beverly. Cue up Tchaikovsky’s Romeo & Juliet Fantasy Overture. (No, seriously, click on that. It’s cued up to exactly what I heard in my head when I saw my beloved Beverly for the first time. Totally normal.)

Almost seven years later, she still sings “Forever Your Girl” to me. (I have absolutely nothing to do with it.)

Bev and I have had our share of tough times – namely when I had to stand outside a very tall gate at 2 a.m. with $150 in exact change (aka, my whole savings account at the time) and wait for a guy named Donny in an F-350 to retrieve her from the tow company. Or when she just stopped on the highway and made me walk up a hill in heels in mid-June in Virginia.

I’ve never outgrown that sentimental attachment to my car. Sure, I look at other cars. I think about what I might like in the future, but I’m attached to mine, especially now that she’s paid off and actually mine. I know I can’t possibly be the only person who has conversations with my car. I might, however, be the only person who suspects her car is pals with the Transformer Bumblebee. When I’m in my car, I think. I work out problems. I talk to myself. I’m also totally obsessed with music, and Beverly, like Bumblebee, seems to have a knack for playing the perfect song at the perfect time. (Again, it’s not weird.)

Driving, for me, isn’t just a mode of transportation. It’s an enjoyable activity and it helps me clear my head. Sometimes I like finding myself in challenging driving situations. Sometimes I like getting lost and figuring my way out, even if I’ve made the trip more difficult than it really needs to be.

I might not be able to rattle off specs, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still enjoy and appreciate cars. It certainly doesn’t change my attachments to them, strange as they may be. This is my car story. What’s yours?

Renee is waiting for someone to write a song about her life so that she can just quote the lyrics in her author bios. In the mean time, connect with her on Twitter: @writingrenee.